U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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