You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
