I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
