she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
