I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
