Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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