final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The feeling are messing with the penis
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
