Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
