my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
