im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
