My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
