Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
