New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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