She is in my trunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
