My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
