how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
