Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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