that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
