it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
