just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
