What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize