I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
