my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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