i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
