He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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