2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
