in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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