I think I won the penis lottery.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
