i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my shit smells like andre
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
