I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I party with great urgency now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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