So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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