so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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