I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Randomize
