we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
