Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
