just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
