I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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