I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize