Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
