Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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