Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
