Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
