I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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