ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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