He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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