It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
