My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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