I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
