Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
