saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
