Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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