He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
