My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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