the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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