I like to think it a success when the cops are called
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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