After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
