and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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