last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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