When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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