problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
