Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
