6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
