that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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