I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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