come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sober January is a disaster.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
