first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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