Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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