____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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