Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
