I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
