After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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