sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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