It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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