I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
