Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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