I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
