i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
