You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize