so that wasnt chicken after all
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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